How The Raccoon Finds the Cheeseburger

Dispatches From the Writing Process

In my last post, I hinted that my writing process was akin to a raccoon digging through a dumpster and occasionally finding a cheeseburger.

So I’m doing that thing where I write about writing because I didn’t know what to write about this week.

Here’s some “insight” into my writing “process.”

The Research

Research can be a myriad of things when you’re a writer. For example, “research” might find me rewatching Godzilla vs Space Godzilla and texting my best friend too many texts in a row because I’m a little high and think everything I’m saying is hilarious. Then some of it does end up in my comedy show after extensive editing.

I deserve a little treat

I spend a lot of time looking up recipes on Pinterest and or driving to the grocery store and/or a local bakery. My cross to bear is that I enjoy treats that are actually incredibly complicated to make from scratch like budino and tiramisu. But I will also happily settle for ice cream from one of the local creameries.

Little treats are a vital part of the process and shouldn’t be skipped.

The Procrastination

At this point in the process, I bet if I put every other part of my life in order, writing will come easier. So I should clean the bathroom, do the laundry, update my website, maybe do more “research,” or stare out the window. Staring out the window is actually a really important part of the process.

Actually Writing

A mysterious part of the process. A lot of staring out the window, sipping lukewarm coffee, and contemplating the meaning of life—or at least the next sentence…or word. I type words on the page. Then sometimes I delete them. Then sometimes I type more words.

Sometimes my partner will be all cute while he’s outta town and text “Whatcha up to?” to check on me and my honest response is usually some slightly unhinged thing like “delaying my dinner because I spent an hour writing a sonnet about Godzilla until I was too hungry to focus” or “writing an essay from the perspective of that single purple croc we saw while grocery shopping 3 weeks ago.”

Revision

This is when I discover that the first draft I scrawled in my notebook while half asleep at 11 p.m. replicates a natural disaster. This is where I have to cut out fluff, rearrange sentences like furniture, and sometimes just delete entire pages with the dramatic flair of a movie villain. It’s frustrating, satisfying, and kind of like solving a puzzle—except I made all the pieces myself and some of them are shaped like tacos for no reason.

Rejection Emails

Someone once told me (or I saw a meme that said), it’s important to approach submitting for publication with the audacity of a mediocre white man. You are going to get rejected a lot. But in this case, it will most always be them, and not you.

If too many of them come in at once, we return to the “I deserve a little treat” part of the process.

Acceptance Emails

An acceptance? Hell yeah. We love external validation. Also, again, I deserve a little treat!

Where You Can Find Me Next

I’ve got a comedy show at Lotawana Brewing on May 16th at 7:30 p.m.

I’m also hosting the KC Fringe artist showcase at KC Folk Fest on May 17th! More details TBD.