High Movie Synopsis: Christmas On the Farm
A Jolly Time
This week’s topic was chosen by public vote on my Instagram story! 😂
A brief backstory: I am working on new material for a Holiday show I’m participating in (details at the end of this newsletter!). To get the mood, I’ve been watching *bad* Christmas and Hallmark movies to garner material and inspiration.
Recently, I needed to zone out from #life, so I also took an edible before watching a couple Christmas movies and in the middle was hit with that special brand of high inspiration. (If you can call it that.)
And while you’re reading what I wrote, I want you to keep in mind that I took a lot of this down by voice-to-text. Which means my neighbors could probably hear me the whole time…
This live reaction is presented with *minimal* edits for clarity.
Also, here is the actual sober synopsis of the film: Emmy’s mother died and she (through weird plot choices) writes a memoir from the point of view of her dead mother and gets a book deal. BUT then the book publishers (one of whom Emmy had a random one-night stand with) decide they want to meet Emmy’s mother at her farm. So then Emmy goes through the shenanigans of pretending to be her DEAD MOTHER to keep the deal. And if you’ve seen any rom com ever you can guess how the story goes. Also it’s Christmas for some reason.
This is the story of how a big city man successfully becomes the country boy in order to win the heart of the big city girl who was already a small-town country person at heart.
It’s basically a Hallmark movie inception. (But it’s not a Hallmark movie.)
Anyway, every Christmas movie sounds like it was an AI generation because Christmas always feels like a weird add-on. Like this plot didn’t NEED Christmas to be happening to function.
And why are the mothers always dead??
So meet the big city dude: It seems like his boss is also his mother but he only calls her by her first name? He works in books. An acceptable Christmas Movie career.
Next, meet the supposed city girl who is also a first-time author getting a million-dollar book deal for a LIE and then being SURPRISED when the publisher wants to MEET HER before agreeing?
But flying to Australia? This is a 2021 movie. You KNOW we had Zoom.
OH HE IS HER SON - what a delayed reveal.
He loves the unfriendly horse. This gives away that he’s truly a country boy and not a city guy.
Then the ACTUAL city girl tried to win the country boy’s heart, but he saw her for what she truly was. He also saw through to the true country girl because he’s magic like that because he’s the dude so he’s still somehow the star even though the woman is the main character.
They bond by birthing a cow (helping a cow give birth) now they are IN LOVE.
A 10-year-old gives her life advice in the pantry????
Then the country girl accepts her true countryness she’d been denying and admits her dream is the boy not the book!! She realized that now! She really was never made to be a city girl.
BUT NOW She needs to reach him before he’s kidnapped by the real city girl. And now there’s a high-speed car chase??? Suddenly an action movie??
At the end they speak the magic code of song lyrics to reveal their true bond. BUT ALMOST ANYONE COULD HAVE QUOTED THE LYRICS TO DON’T GO BREAKING MY HEART! IT WAS A BIG HIT!
BIG TWIST she gets to keep the career because she admitted she loved the boy first. The story still centers on the boy who is the universe.
AND OH MY GOD THEY FINISH WITH A MUSICAL NUMBER THAT CALLS BACK TO THE MEET CUTE IN THE BARN (the second meet cute actually) - and it INCLUDES snow because this is an American movie but it’s HOT in Australia at Christmas WHICH they even mentioned earlier!!
But everyone is happy because it’s Christmas and they don’t have to be people they’re not anymore.
The End.
Here’s my next show! Last one of 2023!
