A Message From the Croc in the Aldi Parking Lot

Plus some updates and such

Now, I bet you’re wondering how I got here.

You never think life is gonna end up this way. I remember when I was brand new. Bright and lavender, me and my counterpart nestled snug in the warmth of our cardboard box at a Famous Footwear. Those early days were mostly waiting, listening to the boxes around us jostle as our fellow footwear found their people and left into the great beyond past the sliding door that made a really annoying squealing sound whenever it opened.

Once, my partner and I were separated briefly. They were the display shoe as our numbers started to dwindle. We’re of an average size.

“Put one of those size 7’s up there,” a gruff old man said to a young teen as they were arranging the last of us on the shelves. I don’t like to think about my time alone in the box for very long.

But that’s how it happened! There she was, beautiful and young with bouncy curls. She spotted my counterpart and scooped us up.

We were thrilled! She wasn’t a grandma looking for gardening shoes, or a single person looking for what they’ll inevitably slip on during an impromptu run to the grocery store for a pint Ben and Jerry’s. No, we were gifted a middle schooler. We would be seen with unabashed frequency!

“These are just like the one my favorite TikToker wears!” she exclaimed, a gaggle of girlfriends around her. My partner and I were whisked to the front register and our new life began!

We lived a good life. It took awhile to get broken in, but it was our greatest honor to cradle her feet on the school bus, to sleepovers, and on many a mall trip.

When we weren’t out and about, we were cozy next to the front door.

Then, one day, the house slowly started to empty. All the belongings were placed into boxes. Aghast, we were tossed haphazardly on top of the last box shoved into the back of her father’s pick-up truck. Surely not where we belonged, but what could we do? We’re shoes. Strictly nonverbal.

I guess they needed to stop at the store on their way wherever they were going. To my horror, he backed up too quickly while parking and bumped into the fence. I could feel my counterpart’s distress as I was flung into a puddle among other common rubbish, forgotten, forlorn.

What good is a shoe without my counterpart?

My greatest dream is that some eccentric person will come and pick me up. Maybe they will turn me into a planter.

Until then, I guess I will stay here. Praying no animals will urinate on me while I’m clinging to my last shred of dignity and hope.

What I’ve Been Up To Lately:

I officially started my time as a He[art]land Arts Fellow with the 2025 cohort. You can follow our experience on the He[art]land Arts instagram page!

My one-person show Godzilla’s Not a Dinosaur is heading to the Atlanta Fringe Festival at the end of may!

I’m performing in Comedy is Queer at Gael’s Public House on the 28th!